I remember when growing up, my parents would frequently go to timeshare presentations. Not to actually buy anything, but to use whatever free stuff they were giving away. In Colorado, that usually was a free or discounted hotel room (and free childcare during the presentation) at a ski resort in the summer. I remember multiple times going up for a quick weekend in the mountains while my parents disappeared for a few hours before coming back. But, I was young and didn’t have any idea what was actually happening until I experienced it first hand.
I don’t know how this came about, but on our first trip to Hawaii my mother signed us all up for a timeshare presentation lunch. Hawaii was an expensive trip, so I remember my mother bringing so much PBJ and bread and other snacks so we could eat in the hotel room and not spend money on food. Plus…I don’t know how she found that hotel, it was being renovated, it smelled of cat pee everywhere, we seemed like the only guests AND there was a legit sweat shop on the ground floor where women were making shell bracelets and necklaces. You know that tourist crap you see everywhere? Well, it was being made there. But I digress…
So my mother signed up the entire family to go to this lunch. It seemed cool at first. I finally could eat my fill and not of PBJs. They gave us cool shell necklaces (score! I almost bought one at the hotel, but now get one free!) But after we ate, they locked the doors on us. As a middle school student, this freaked me out. Back then I had no idea what was going on, didn’t know what timeshares were, and no one was calling them that.
Then they dimmed the lights and went into a long spiel about the various expensive excursions we could do if we came back year after year. “Helicopter rides!” “Personal Yachts!” it went on and on. No one was biting. There was us, a few other random families, and a lot of old people. One German woman was really excited to see a leper colony island that some saint had been to. But then the woman got mad when she was told the only way there was on donkeys. I personally thought this woman could EAT a donkey, but not ride on it. She was bickering on for a while with the hosts trying to find an alternative way to see it. (There wasn’t.) The German woman could be heard grumbling about donkeys over the next few hours.
I kept looking at my parents. “Why are we here? When can we go?” I tried to ask. My parents ignored us at first. My younger sister took a different tactic, she just whined incoherently. My mother was doing that weird thing where she was trying to hush us like we were being difficult, but I could also tell she was okay with what we were doing. I was so confused. Some people tried to leave but were told they’d need to pay if they left early. Everyone seemed upset, from the timeshare people to the attendees. Suddenly my mother said that my sister needed to go to the bathroom. I said I needed to go too. So we got up. The timeshare people literally asked us to leave our bags with our dad. (As hostage I later found out.) My parents tried to say that we all had to go together, but the timeshare people started saying something about charging us for the food if we left early. Well my mom got pissed, as my dad sat back down. Finally, they were convinced that we could take our bags, as long as my dad stayed behind.
So we got up and waited for them to unlock the inner door to the hallway, and to my dismay, we didn’t head to the bathroom (because I actually did need to go). Instead, my mom grabbed my sister and my arm and we RAN outside. I hear yelling behind us as my dad and some of the old people also made a break for it. We ran, chased by the timeshare people, we tried to hail a taxi, but to no avail, then we saw it, a bus! My parents didn’t care where it was going, they just shoved us onto it, followed by some of the old people.
I still had no idea what was going on and was very frightened by all the yelling. I found myself sitting in a chair by myself, my parents and sister elsewhere on the bus. I was out of breath and looked over to this old Australian woman who had also escaped with us. She smiled at me, then gave me a wink as she said “First time breaking out of jail huh? You did good.” She then hugged me as she laughed so kindly and naturally that I couldn’t help but laugh with her.
Many, many years later I was in Las Vegas with a friend, and we talked by this table offering free show tickets. “All you need to do is listen to a short focus group presentation. You’ll get dinner, your choice of free show tickets, and free transportation.” As my friend was asking about what the free show tickets were, I had the sudden realization. “Free transportation? To what? The Show?” The woman smiled, “To the focus group!” I grabbed my friend and made us walk away. I explained about timeshares, and how it would take a good chunk of our time and wouldn’t be worth it. We were only in Vegas for the weekend, and I was not going to get stuck in Timeshare Jail ever again.
Travel Missteps is an every-other week series on how sometimes part of the journey is making mistakes and getting lost.
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